


Dust and Glory || A His Dark Materials Story

by RefugeeofTumblr



Category: His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Daemon Prejudice, Daemons, Non Consensual Daemon Touching, Other, Transgender woman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 09:24:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9173494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RefugeeofTumblr/pseuds/RefugeeofTumblr
Summary: Kariah and her dæmon Seasmhach are not your average human/dæmon pair. What happens when their struggles with gender identity, settling, and intolerant parents collide? (NOTE: All tags and ratings are subject to revision as this story continues.)





	

Bright light shimmers over the horizon, staining the sky pink and bright yellow. Kariah stands atop a low hill to watch, leaning against her bike as her dæmon Seasmhach circles above, currently in the form of a golden eagle. He’s a handsome specimen, feathers gleaming more shades of gold-tan-brown-mahogany than Kariah can name. As she watches him circle the rising sun’s light begins to shimmer more and more within his feathers until he almost looks ethereal himself.  
  
Kariah is a strong young woman. She isn’t as comfortable with her body as she would like to be, due to the fact that her features look stereotypically male; she has a strong jaw, short brown hair, a flat but toned chest, and expressive hazel eyes.  
  
Thankfully, the beauty around her helps to take her mind off such heavy thoughts. It’s peaceful out here, far from her parents and the constant weight of their expectations. Kariah smiles softly as she looks away from her dæmon and out over the rolling hills and plains that stretch miles to either side.  
  
For several more minutes she is content to share the peace with Seasmhach. Then there’s only time to make another brief circuit before they have to be back home. As Kariah sighs and flips the kickstand back up, she can’t help but wonder at the strange feeling that’s come over her this morning. All she can tell is that it’s some kind of nameless anxiety - the type one feels sometimes when a great change is in the air and nothing is guaranteed to remain the same.  
  
Seasmhach feels it too. He keeps a little closer on the ride home.  
  


~

When Kariah comes through the door, her mother yells from the kitchen.

“John! Come in here!”

Kariah winces at the sound of her birth name. There’s no escaping the call once it’s been heard, though, so she steps through into the gleaming, sizzling clangor of the kitchen. White marble countertops and modernistic steel fittings dominate the room’s color scheme. From the stove, where bacon and eggs are cooking in hot skillets, Kariah’s mother sends her a glare. Janet Davis is a force to be reckoned with, and now is no exception. She continues cooking, her golden monkey dæmon handing her plates, utensils, and seasonings as required.

Seasmhach lands on the fan hood above the oven. The quiet scrabbling of his claws against the metal alerts the golden monkey, who looks up and stares as though he’d like to get his paws around the eagle’s neck.

Janet turns to regard Kariah with a haughty, stern look. Her hands are on her hips, and her lips - painted with bright fuchsia lipstick - are compressed into a thin, severe line. This is a look Kariah and her dæmon are far, far too familiar with.

“Where have you been, young man?” Janet demands. A slight grimace twists Kariah’s lips at the sound of her birth name, but the meaning behind it doesn’t seem to register for her mother, who continues speaking. “You know your father and I expect you back to help with breakfast, not during it! I think you need to get your act together. Is that clear? You will be back from your trail rides before 6 o’clock each morning, or you will learn to be on time!”

Kariah dips her head contritely. “Sorry, ma. I just lost track of time.”

Seasmhach sends her a silent warning that the golden monkey is still eyeing him. Thankfully that doesn’t last for long. Kariah’s mother pulls a plain watch out of her back pocket and brandishes it before holding it out. The message is clear: _don’t lose track again_.

The twins, Bay and Will, start shouting so loudly they can be heard from the den. Kariah’s mother sends her one last glare and bustles out, leaving her oldest daughter to watch the food.

Immediately, Kariah steps up to the stove. As she tests the eggs - they still need about a minute before they’ll be ready for flipping - Seasmhach flutters down from the hood. His weight is a welcome presence on her shoulder.

Though his person doesn’t look at him the dæmon says what’s on his mind:

“I bet we’re going to settle soon.”

The news isn’t entirely a shock. Many people’s dæmons settle around the beginning or middle of puberty, and Kariah is almost 18 now. Seasmhach remaining able to change has been a difficulty, though. They’ve had to be extra careful for him to stay in one shape all through the school day, not to mention the fact that they have to keep it low-key at home. Whenever their father catches sight of Sea changing to the shape of a duck to join Kariah in the shower he gets incredibly angry. At least their mother doesn’t hit them or curse them out. It’s just that the sad talks about ‘choosing something’ and ‘settling down like a good boy’ are awful in their own right.

As if that’s even how these things work. A dæmon settles when it finds a single, specific form that represents its human’s personality, and not a second sooner.

Well. If Seasmhach feels it will happen soon, he’s probably right. Kariah nods.

“Any idea what?”

She doesn’t see it, but she can feel the silent no. “Hopefully,” he offers, “I’ll be able to tell before it happens. Right now I’m getting nothing, though.”

This, too, is unusual. As the time to settle approaches most dæmons begin to have a sense of what their settled form might be. One hint, of course, is what form they feel the most comfortable spending time in. With Kariah’s parents and their controlling natures this type of exploration has been difficult for Seasmhach to take part in, though. Even now his eagle skin and feathers _itch_ like an ill-fitting coat that rubs too much at sensitive skin underneath.

Kariah keeps her face impassive. Her dæmon goes into a rigid, inexpressive position on her shoulder and maintains it; when John ‘senior’ sees his oldest daughter looking down, he’s liable to berate her for not ‘sucking it up like a real man’.

The twins _are_ moping as they accept their plates from Kariah. She knows well enough that they’re probably upset over something silly and trivial like the fact that they’re having eggs and bacon two days in a row. Knowing that brings a bitter taste to Kariah’s mouth. If only that were the biggest thing she had to be irritated with her mother over.

~

Breakfast goes quickly. Nobody is allowed to start until John comes downstairs and settles into his seat at the head of the table to lead them in saying ‘amen’. After that, though, Kariah is able to eat her food quickly and retreat to wash dishes in the kitchen.

There’s still no time to go upstairs. John sees to that, sending his big pit bull dæmon to round Kariah and Seasmhach up and guide them to the den. This is one of the things Kariah hates most about her family; as she follows the pit bull she drags her feet a little on the cool wood floors.

Before going to church on Sundays her parents like to bring the whole family into the den for ‘family time’. Now, most people would be happy to spend that time with their loved ones. Unfortunately, Kariah’s parents enjoy using these two and a half hours to preach and go on diatribes about people they deem ‘sinners and degenerates’. How they would react if Kariah told them she is transgender has already been laid out clearly multiple times during these diatribes.

She can only hope that they don’t expect her and her siblings to repeat what they say this time.

~

Once 8:30 rolls around it’s time to be off to church. Seasmhach takes off from Kariah’s shoulder the moment they’re outside, and circles overhead as they walk with their parents and the twins. She doesn’t blame him for wanting to be as far away as possible. At least during services it’s easy enough to tune out and ignore everything that’s being said. Today she was expected to repeat back the hatred her parents spewed at her so they would be satisfied.

Kariah keeps her head down as she walks. No matter how she would like to drop behind or walk ahead, she’s expected to stay right behind her parents, with the twins following behind her.

_At least the walk is beautiful_ , Sea murmurs encouragingly through their bond. The thought brings a small smile to her face. It’s easy by now to follow the bond to his end, and see the world through her dæmon’s eyes. The world comes to life in brilliant detail, and Kariah can see far beyond the range of her own human body. There are fields and bright wildflowers encrusted with dew on the other side of the hedge at her left. Small birds flit through the meadows. Even the trees in the distance that form a heavy, forested line on a far hill are beginning to sprout vibrant new leaves.

_You’re right_ , she agrees in the same silent language. _It is beautiful_.

If only they can get through today’s church service and still be in a mood to enjoy the flowers. It’s not likely, but a girl can hope.

_Right?_

**Author's Note:**

> Seasmhach's name actually has a [very specific meaning](https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/seasmhach) in Gaelic.


End file.
